Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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