We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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