Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
