So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
