i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
