I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
