kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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