she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He passed out mid-signature
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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