Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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