you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize