Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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