My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
