I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
