yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
