if only i could text you this smell
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
