Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
