Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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