I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
