She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
