I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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