i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
