It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
