1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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