Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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