plz talk dirty to me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize