How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
the liver wants what the liver wants
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
