I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just had sex on a roof
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
