she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
