I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
