So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
