i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
