omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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