I cannot find my penis.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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