no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
