I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
