i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can't turn off my feet"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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