When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
