I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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