Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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