Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
