My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
