I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
