It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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