i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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