Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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