I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
