What did we do last night that was yellow?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
