WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
