Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
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