Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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