Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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