i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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