It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
