I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
