Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
