this just has baby written all over it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
