i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize