No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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