I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
