I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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