I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize