I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
