why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
