he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
