Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
