come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
