Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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