respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
