It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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