your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
