You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
