**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize