We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
